The Secret
by WhateverYouWant1
Summary: (One Direction) He is tired. He is scared. He just wants someone to understand, but he won't give anyone the chance to try. Harry asked him to keep this secret and it was tearing him apart.
1. Chapter 1

"_Remember, you promised not to tell." _

Harry's words rang through Niall's head on repeat. He nodded to himself. He had promised, but he wasn't happy about it.

How could he keep this secret? Yes, Harry was his friend, but this wasn't something Niall had ever dealt with before. This was too big. This was too much for him to handle.

He remembered almost telling Zayn once, right after Harry had first told him, but he hadn't gone through with it. He couldn't break Harry's trust, no matter what this secret was doing to him. He was the kind of person to keep his word and he had promised.

He had promised.

He sighed and shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes. He couldn't do this. He rolled out of bed and carefully dropped himself to the floor, making sure he didn't wake any of the other boys. He slid the door open and closed it behind him, moving his way through the narrow halls of the tour bus.

When he got to the room the boys had deemed the "game room," he was surprised to find Harry was in there, watching TV. The older boy looked up as he entered.

"Hey Niall," he said. Niall sat down next to him on the sofa.

"Hey."

"Can't sleep?"

He shook his head and watched the people arguing on the screen in front of him. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, but Niall could feel Harry glancing at him every once in a while. Things had been tense between the two of them. Niall had given up trying to convince Harry to tell someone his secret and spent most of his time trying to avoid him when he could. He didn't want to, but he was upset.

Harry knew it. He'd try to make conversations with Niall around the other boys, but it wasn't long before everyone started noticing something weird.

"Are we having a party?" A voice asked. Both of them looked up to see Louis entering the room, throwing himself down on the couch beside Niall.

"Yes," Harry said. "But it's VIP only. Sorry, you're not invited."

Louis feigned a look of hurt. "That's incredibly rude. I'd invite you to my party if I was having one."

"You _did _have one and you didn't invite me."

"That was an entirely different situation. Right, Niall?"

"Sure," Niall muttered.

Louis frowned. "What's a matter with you?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, come on," Louis said, playfully pinching his cheeks. "Don't be so glum."

Niall swatted his hand away and stood up. "I'm going back to bed. Have fun with your party."

He stepped around Louis's legs and moved quickly before either of them could call him back. Before he was out of earshot, he heard Louis ask, "What's going on with him?" He didn't hear Harry's response, but he knew well enough that he had come up with some reasonable sounding excuse. Harry had been full of excuses lately.

XxX

Niall tossed and turned and didn't get to sleep until late. He was woken an hour later by the sound of the other boys getting up and getting ready. They had an early press conference and then another day of traveling before they would make it to their destination.

"It was strange," Louis was whispering as he walked by. "I'm not sure what's gotten into him."

"He could be stressed," Liam replied. "Maybe this tour is taking a lot out on him."

"I suppose."

Niall sighed and stared at the top of his bunk. He wasn't ready to get up. He felt like this situation was taking the strength out of him. He could see it happening to Harry. He wondered how no one else had noticed yet.

Among the chatter of the boys, Niall heard someone tell them that Harry wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be joining them for the conference. He pushed back his curtain and dropped down to the floor again, listening to everyone out in the main room.

"Has he gotten a bug?" Louis asked.

"Is it contagious?" Zayn chimed in.

"He thinks it might be food poisoning," the voice said. "Did any of you eat the same thing he did yesterday?"

Niall crept over to Harry's bunk and kneeled down. He pulled the curtain back a little to find that Harry was curled up on his side under a few blankets, his hair a mess of curls. His face was paler than normal, but his cheeks were rosy.

"Harry?" Niall whispered, making sure not to be too loud.

"Hmm?"

"Do you need anything?"

Harry rubbed his eyes, speaking in a tired voice. "No, I'm fine."

Niall nodded and stood up, but Harry reached out suddenly, grabbing his wrist.

"Thank you," he said. Niall looked at him for a long moment.

"Yeah."

"You're a good friend," Harry said sleepily. He released him and rolled over, falling back asleep.

Niall felt the hole in his chest expanding. How could Harry say he was a good friend? He was anything but a good friend. He was keeping this secret, this dangerous secret, and it was tearing everything apart. It was tearing _him_ apart.

"Niall, it's time to get up," someone was saying as they started into the hall. It was Liam, and before he could go any further, he spotted Niall and stopped short of himself. "What's wrong?"

Niall didn't speak. He couldn't. He could feel all his emotions boiling inside of him, getting ready to explode.

"Niall?" Liam asked, concern heavy in his voice.

Niall shook head. He opened his mouth, desperate to say anything, but the moment he did, a stream of tears started flowing down his face. Liam stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders.

"Niall, what is it? What's happened?"

Niall wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him more than anything, but he couldn't. And the thought of that only made him cry harder.

"What's all the-"

Niall looked up as Zayn stepped beside Liam and caught sight of him, dropping the end of his question. Along with Liam, Zayn's face immediately became concerned and worried.

"What's wrong?"

God, the question was killing Niall. He thought of the boy in that bunk, the boy whose secret he promised to keep. No matter what. No matter how much it tore him apart.

Liam released his shoulders and Zayn stepped forward, pulling him into a hug. It was the one thing Zayn always did when Niall was upset. Actually, it was the one thing Zayn did when anyone was upset. And it always helped.

But not this time. This time, Niall's pain was too deep. This wasn't something that Zayn's hug could fix. Wasn't something that Liam could talk out with him. It wasn't something that Louis could crack a joke about to make him feel better. This was Harry's secret. And he would keep it until Harry decided it was time for everyone to know, or until it killed him.

He wasn't sure which would come first.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall plucked at the stitching of the couch, desperately wanting the interview to be over. He didn't talk much, letting the other guys answer most of the questions. They had, of course, been asked about Harry.

Niall had convinced everyone that he was just tired and that was why he was so emotional. The boys seemed a bit weary to let that excuse pass, but their manager pulled Niall aside to make sure everything was all right. Niall hated that he had weaved himself into this mess of lies.

When they got back to the tour bus, Harry was gone. The driver told them that he had been taken to the doctor and they would be here for another couple hours. They were free to go do whatever they wanted until they had to leave.

Zayn and Louis decided to go check out some shops while Liam looked for a place to eat. Niall passed up their offers and told them he was going to get some more sleep while he could, but he really had no intention of doing so. He was worried.

He knew Harry was lying. He didn't have food poisoning. It was all part of this terrible secret.

He sat down on the couch and let out a sigh. People would start noticing. They had to. Soon enough this emotional secret would become physical and Niall wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. He wouldn't be able to make up excuses.

"Here you go," a voice said as the door of the bus opened. Harry climbed up the steps, followed by their bodyguard. He had more color to his face, but he still looked sick. He gave Niall a smile when he saw him and went to sit next to him.

"Hey," he said. A few more people filed into the bus, mostly from their management department. They stood by the door and talked to the bodyguard.

"How're you feeling?" Niall asked.

"Better," Harry said, flipping his hair away from his face. "How was the interview?"

Niall shrugged. "Boring."

"Where is everyone?" Harry asked, looking around. He glanced over at the people by the door for a second.

"Exploring the town," Niall said. "The driver told us it'd be a couple hours before you got back from the doctor."

Harry blanched. "Niall-"

"Harry, what're you doing?" Niall asked desperately, keeping his voice low. He turned to Harry, his face a mask of distress. "You have to tell them. You can't just keep this from everyone."

"I _will_ tell them," Harry said softly. "Just not now. Not yet."

"When then? When it's too late?"

Harry rubbed his hands over his face. "There's plenty of time."

"Is there, Harry?" Niall asked, motioning to the group of people standing away from them. "Is there really?"

"Niall, it's not-"

"Don't," he cut him off, getting to his feet. "Just don't."

"Niall, please. You have to understand," Harry begged, standing up and putting his hands on Niall's shoulders.

"You're killing me," Niall said. "Do you know that? Do you know what this is doing to me?"

Harry looked at him for a long moment before averting his gaze to the ground. He let go of him, speaking softly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out, but you did. I never would have asked you to keep this secret."

"But you did and it's torture, Harry. I can't keep this from everyone."

"You have to," Harry said urgently. "You promised."

"Yeah, I know." Niall sighed and looked at his friend. Why had he ever made that promise? Probably because Harry had been desperate. He had begged and begged Niall not to tell anyone, especially any of the other boys. Niall couldn't say no.

"I trust you, Niall," Harry said, pulling him from his thoughts. Niall shook his head and started towards the front of the bus.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"Niall, wait-" Harry started, but Niall had pushed through the people and was out the door before anything else could be said.

XxX

They called Niall multiple times, but he didn't answer his phone. Two bodyguards went looking for him while everyone else waited in the bus. They were supposed to leave 45 minutes earlier, but Niall was still gone.

"Seriously," Louis said "What is up with him?

"He is acting strange," Liam agreed.

"And why has he been so upset lately?" Zayn asked. Harry looked between the three of them, but didn't say anything. A voice came over the walkie-talkie of someone in the living room.

"We got him."

"Finally," Louis groaned. A few moments later, they could hear someone yelling outside the door of the bus. Everyone recognized the voice of one of their bodyguards, no doubt yelling at Niall for keeping them waiting.

The door opened and Niall stomped inside. He was stopped by a few members of their management and talked to quietly before everyone filed off the bus and it started up with a low rumble.

"Where were you?" Zayn asked as Niall walked over.

"Out," Niall said shortly.

Harry bit his lip. "Niall-"

"Don't." Niall brushed him off and walked to the hallway with the bunks, closing the small door behind him. There was a heavy silence as everyone looked at Harry.

"Okay, now what is up with you two?" Louis asked. Harry shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Maybe Niall needs a break," Liam suggested. "He really seems frazzled."

Harry looked at the ground and ran a hand through his hair. He saw what he was doing to Niall. He hated hurting him this way, but really had no other choice.

He couldn't let anyone know about this secret or everything would be ruined.

XxX

"Tell me girl if every time we-"

"Have bru-uh-unch, you get this kind of ru-uh-ush," Louis sang. Harry laughed and walked around the stage, testing out his microphone as the other boys did the same.

It was a show night and they were running through a closed sound check. Niall hadn't said much since his disappearance. Zayn, Liam, and Louis tried to cheer him up, but Niall's bad mood was incurable.

"You feeling all right, mate?" Louis asked Harry after the song ended. "You look a bit pale."

"Yeah, I'm good," Harry said. Niall scoffed to himself, making Harry shoot him a warning look. Louis shrugged and jumped down from the stage.

Harry rubbed his forehead and this time Niall looked at him in concern. Zayn and Liam were talking by one of the speakers, so Niall stepped closer to Harry.

"Are you really all right?"

"Are you actually talking to me?" Harry asked. "I'm fine, Niall. Don't worry."

"You don't look good," Niall said. "Maybe you should sit down."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, maybe-"

He stumbled for a second. Niall grabbed his arm to steady him, calling out to their manager.

"Can you get him some water?" He asked, leading Harry over to a chair off the side of the stage. Zayn and Liam approached quickly.

"Here," Liam said, handing him a water bottle. Their manager started his way over. "Are you feeling okay?"

Harry nodded, but the motion seemed to make him dizzy. He stopped walking, doubling over with his hands on his knees. Niall saw him start to sway, but he was too late to do anything.

Harry collapsed.


End file.
